Fearless book intro and my shroom trip
My heart was pounding in my chest and I was sweating profusely. Not only had I never tried ‘shrooms before, but this being Amsterdam in July it was really fucking hot outside! I had heard that, while people have gotten seriously fucked up on shrooms, for others it unlocked the secrets to their happiness and gave them a reason to exist. Hey, if it could work for Steve Jobs who, according to HuffingtonPost, said trying LSD was “one of the most important things in my life,” who am I to complain?
Basically, me being me, I had to give it a try. I’d gladly take the risk of taking a bad trip if the payoff was taking a trip to another dimension and realizing what might be in store for my life. What’s more, I firmly believe that everyone should try shrooms at least once in their life in the proper environment so they get a positive experience and don’t go berserk!
To top it all off, since shrooms are legal in Amsterdam and this was, after all, a personal and professional experiment, we were even getting a tax deductible receipt for it, this most definitely was a business expense. YAY taxman!
You may wonder why I was in a place in my life where I needed to find either a.) the secret to happiness or b.) a reason to exist. The fact was, I’d just broken up from a three year relationship with the woman I loved and, quite honestly, I was devastated.
Every relationship needs two things in order to make it work: chemistry (loving each other) and compatibility (having similar personal principles and values). We had the loving each other part down cold and honestly a part of me is afraid that I’ll never reach that level of love again, but the way we wanted to live our lives was simply too different. She wanted to settle down, have a house, go to work, come home, workout, fuck, eat and go to sleep – then do it all again the next day. She also wanted a stable guy who the only thing he really cared about was having a decent paying job and coming home at the end of the day to his family. Not that there’s anything wrong with any of this however if you are a natural born leader this will simply never be enough. Every now and then she’d want to break routine but not nearly enough for someone as wild and adventurous like me. Not that I was complaining about the working out, fucking and going to sleep part, but it just felt extremely robotic and going through the motions and aside from how much I loved her I was missing a higher purpose, a higher passion, a higher form of presence…. Some sort of spice for life that I had before I met her was simply missing and I couldn’t take it any longer.
I am the polar opposite of the settling down type and resting on my laurels. I constantly wanted to meet new and interesting people, go new places, try new things, have new experiences every day and basically live an unpredictable, wild, crazy, daring rock star life doing things that most people never get to do, but only fantasize about doing. And if you’re fearless and don’t want the normal 9-5 narrative for your own existence, then you know exactly what I’m talking about – and that’s probably why you’re reading this right now.
What I didn’t want from my life…
So, to recap: chemistry? Check.
Rather than the “movie version” where I walked out and she threw my TV onto the curb, it had been a long, slow, drawn out processes with lots of fits and starts. We never really fought and yelled like a lot of couples do because that’s just not the type of people we are. Our “last fight” if you could call it that was a whole day affair, tears were shed, words were said but nothing was ultimately resolved. Finally, I broke up with her “for real” over Skype. I was in the states on business and just couldn’t take it anymore. We’d tried breaking up many times in the past, in person, but because we loved each other so much we never could. In hind sight we both realized that this was the only way we could actually end the relationship. I figured this way I could finally make a clean break and let both of us get on with our lives.
I didn’t realize how much it would upset me, or my life and the preceding depression afterwards. I freaked out, grabbed a couple of good buddies I knew would talk me down off the ledge, fled all the way to Amsterdam and decided to enter into a sordid affair with… mushrooms.
Rather than just munching on the shitty tasting shrooms, my friends and I put them on top of pizza, it was delicious. We then decided to go to scenic Vandel Park and start tripping our balls off. By the time we got into the taxi I couldn’t stop laughing. Naturally, the cab driver was looking back at me, glaring and thinking, “Fucking tourist.” Jerry, my friend in the front seat was trying to get me to shut up while Ty, my friend next to me in the back, tried not to look at me because if he did, he knew he’d start cracking up, too.
We finally reached the park, my voice already horse from my giggle fit, and I think I must have given the cab driver my credit card because I couldn’t find it later – nor to this day. Note to self: when tripping on shrooms for the first time, only carry around a minimal amount of cash and, whatever you do, leave smart phone back at the hostel. While you’re at it, it’s probably a great idea to pin you name and address to your lapel like you’re in kindergarten in case you get lost.
Stumbling from the cab, I noticed a girl who’s legs literally never ended and i wondered if I climbed them would there be a pot of gold at the end. I asked my buddies about this and they just laughed, grabbed me by the shoulder and we kept walking. I was already seeing everything in cartoon form. Life had become a giant, IMAX, 3-D Pixar movie and it. Was. So. Cool! Despite the animated plants and sidewalk and bushes surrounding me, I didn’t lose complete control because in the back of my mind I still knew I was high on shrooms and that THIS WASN’T REAL.
We started walking in the park and Ty said the twelve ounce water bottle was too heavy for him to hold. I told him to grow a pair and 2 minutes later he and the bottle tumbled to the floor. I offered to carry it for him since he was like the wild wacky waiving hand guy that you see at used car lots.
Two minutes later I dropped both bottles and fell on the grass because of their extreme collective weight. I remember feeling very uneasy as to why my friends were standing over me and not sitting down with me. Standing there, animated and in 3-D, they looked gigantic.
At the same time, I could hear the grass growing next to my ears and the leaves in the trees were changing colors. Suddenly, everything seemed to make a lot of sense. When I say everything, I have no idea what that means I just remembered what I felt.
I distinctly experienced old childhood memories. Not just remembered them, like everybody does, but actually experienced them – again – on a sensory level. It was intense, to say the least.
Suddenly, my life with her or what it could have been flashed before my eyes: family trips together, picnics at the beach, fireworks on new years, school plays, holding hands in our rocking chairs, side by side, as the sun faded on our Golden Years. In the imaginary portrait, I looked content… but not happy. And yet, parallel to this imaginary Norman Rockwell picture of a rosey life together, at some point I saw the other part of me. The side of me that wanted to pursue my passions in life without the hindrance of someone who wanted to put limits on those passions and experiences, whether it be producing and acting in a movie, dancing salsa, or passionately fucking a really hot girl I’d just met in a club: I needed both “sides” of my life to be complete: the companionship of a lifelong friend and the freedom to be a friend to myself first and pursue things in life that gave me a pulse.
It didn’t have to be either or. I needed a healthy oscillation between intimacy and freedom. I realized, with crystal clarity, that too much of one without any chance for the other would leave me very unhappy. (In that type of situation when you’re partner is that unhappy and/or unfulfilled it affects the other side and probably the worst feeling in the world for me was knowing that I was the one causing my girlfriend pain because she knew that she wasn’t enough).
Most people have this problem to some extent. However, they only realize it much later on in life after marriage and kids. probably one of the reasons for high divorce rate. My girlfriend fulfilled all my needs from a monogamy standpoint, and I fulfilled all of hers. I simply needed more. I could certainly see myself being content with her, but not happy. I could see myself when I was eighty years old, standing next to her and still enjoying her company. Now, that’s saying A LOT!
However, if I never had the chance to pursue my passions in life, it would have meant I wasn’t free to be myself. And how could I ever be good to her if I wasn’t being my one, true self? If I never got to embrace my entrepreneurial spirit at the drop of a hat, if I wasn’t free to explore my creative side even if it meant an incredible risk to my finances and general sanity, just as importantly, go on a trip round the world with my friends just because, smoke a joint around her or sleep with another woman ever again, I would be – and was – miserable.
Ultimately, breaking up with her was the hardest – but most necessary – thing I ever did in my life. I want to be in a relationship and have the intimacy, but if my freedom to pursue my passions in life are limited then my capacity for intimacy is too. However when my (and you as well) needs are met then you truly have the capacity to give to others… Now, back to the shroomies.
While all these thoughts were going through my head, my buddies and I had lain down next to the lake in the middle of the park and the grass was wet. Since we were tripping, we could not understand why we were wet and that if we moved ten feet to the right we would be dry. So naturally, we did the next best thing: we rolled around in the grass like idiots trying to find a dry patch. Well, of course, we were unsuccessful.
Then again, it must’ve looked hilarious from the outside. But for us, we just wanted a dry patch of grass. Around this time, I began to lose all concept of time. At some point during the trip, I wasn’t even sure if I was still high or if I was just gonna stay in this weird state forever. All in all, the high lasted nearly sixteen hours and if I’m ever at another turning point in my life or under extreme confusion, I’m definitely going to try shrooms again.
So, why am I starting a book about fearlessness by talking about hallucinogenic spores for some unknown reason? Well, I said all that to say this: The idea for the book really manifested itself in my mind while I was mad tripping on shrooms. Okay, sure, the idea had been percolating for a while however for whatever reason the shrooms and my emotional state made the idea actually take shape.
Swimming Backward, Upstream
My entire life, I’ve been swimming upstream. Whether it’s turning away from religion, enjoying a lot of random earth shattering passionate sex, doing recreational drugs, not being able to work in a job because I fucking hate wasting my ideas and talent building someone else’s dreams, not finishing college to start my business, not getting married young and starting a family like pretty much everyone else does where I grew up… I could go on and on.
It could be argued that I’m just stuck in some sort of rebellious adolescent spoiled brat phase and I’ve actually asked myself this many times. The truth is, whenever I do something against the accepted social narrative, it’s not just for effect. By that I mean, I’m not thinking, “Yeah, I’m a rebel, look at me and how rebellious I am!” Or, “My parents and society are gonna hate this, hurray!” It’s quite the opposite, actually. Instead of celebrating being different, I wish to god I fit in. (And I know you know I don’t believe in god but it’s a metaphor so deal with it… bitch!) I wish that after growing up a religious Jew I could believe in Judaism, and that I wanted to be married and have a family, that I could be content to work and come home and become a drone/zombie like the vast majority of people. But for some reason, I can’t, I just fucking can’t. If you’re reading this and a bit stunned by what I’m writing, or nodding your head in agreement, then neither can you.
In a lot of ways, I’m like a gay person coming out of the closet. At first, I was lost and confused, not understanding why I didn’t want the things that everyone else wanted. I tried to fix myself through self manipulation, denial, therapy, anti-depressants, pot, masturbating and eating. You know, the traditional route. But, unfortunately, there is no fixing me. For better or worse, this is just who I am. As it says in the Book of Numbers when God appears to Moses, “I am what I am.”
Now, if God can be who He is, then so can I. Hmmmmm…. am I God? Something to think about…
ANYHOO, back to our topic of coming out of the non-gay closet. I’d actually be perfectly content staying in the closet. I’m terrified of writing this book and revealing secrets about my personal life. I’m terrified that my parents are going to read this and disown me. I’m terrified that girls I’ve slept with are going to see this and be really pissed off. I’m terrified that my ex, who I still care about very much, will hate me after this and that this will affect every relationship I have in the future because I’m pre-judged because I wrote this book and it follows me around like a label and that people will talk and be horrified of the person that I am: “OMG Dani enjoys tantric sex with random women and from time to time likes to do drugs, Oh that monster!”
However, in all honesty, if people can’t look past the surface a bit here and see the depth in the process that I and, I’m sure, others are going through, then fuck them.
There are always a million reasons not to act and do something truly bold. But I’m doing it anyways and that’s what being fearless truly means. If this book can help just one single person who is going through the tough mental and emotional shit storm that I went through, then it’s worth it. So despite my fears and reservations about becoming a self-help author, I suppose you could call it a “calling”.
Being Fearless is to Be Full of Fear!
Of course, the truth is there’s no such thing as fearless. Being fearless is actually the ability to get comfortable with the fear and live in that reality. It’s not just being logically aware that the fear exists, but being emotionally able to embrace it, handle it and use it to propel you forward instead of holding you back.
As you’re going to see in later chapters, the emotional energy used to generate fear and to generate excitement are one and the same, they’re just dressed up a little differently
Fear can be turned into a strength, as opposed to a weakness. For example, before I speak in front of a live audience, I am terrified. I have butterflies in my stomach and feel like I’m going to vomit. However, once I get up on stage and start speaking, all that nervous energy, anxiety and adrenaline immediately turns to strength, power, excitement and a much better performance than if I had no fear in the first place. (Also, a side effect of having that much adrenaline running through my body means that sometimes I shake. I asked people about it and no one seems to notice so… HAZZA!)
Who This Book is For and Who it is (Definitely) Not For
Most books are proud to tell you who they’re for, but fearful to tell you who they’re not for. Not me. I hate wasting my time and figure you do, too. so this section is going to say, straight up, who this book is for as well as who it’s definitely not for! Most of these self development books are full of hype and a ridiculous amount of upbeated malarkey that makes me want to vomit. People with lower levels of intelligence need this to keep them motivated and retained in the process. I’m going to assume that if you’re (still) reading this, then you are an intelligent human being with a mind of your own.
If you think that this book is going to be some sort of magic pill and if you read it you will be cured of fear, then you should stop reading and get a refund. This is not a book that lies and says fear does not exist. This is a guide to show you how to use your fear as leverage and make yourself unstoppable and, hopefully, a very fulfilled and happy person along the way.
If you don’t know how to use your own brain, then this book is not for you. I speak in generalities a lot because most situations I or people I know have encountered follow a pattern of some sort. And, as Monty Python famously proclaimed in the Life of Brian, “you are all individuals” with a mind of your own. (If you haven’t seen the movie it’s brilliant and here’s the clip to what i just talked about: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=QereR0CViMY) I have no idea how your inner thought process works or even how you perceive reality. This book is a road map to fear mastery and gaining extraordinary success in some very, very problematic areas in life, but you need to go out and try the ideas for yourself if they’re ever going to manifest themselves in your own life. With time, you will be able to mold them into something that fits your personality and outlook on life
If you are someone who is already happy with life and is completely content with who you are and what you are doing with yourself and where you are going, then this book is not for you. This book is for people who feel somewhat lost, anxious about their future and don’t fit into the status quo of society.
If you plan on being a sarcastic, judgmental person, then this book is not for you. Before you read this book, I’m going to ask you to temporarily suspend judgment and previous beliefs and accept the medicine that I am going to give you instead of being critical and spitting it out before it has a chance to work. You will get no benefit from this book if you do that.
If you do not have a sense of humor, are overly politically correct, have a thick skin and are easily offended, then this book is definitely not for you. I think people with no sense of humor who get insulted or offended easily should be shot in public square and I’m not joking about that. (Okay, well, maybe I’m joking a little.)
As you’ll see I’m a bit of a potty mouth who enjoys telling racy jokes, but I’m far from being a racist. In fact, I’m probably the least racist person I know and my jokes are never meant to offend. My friends make Jew jokes around me all the time and I think it’s hilarious. If you are reading something that offends you, just say to yourself, “Ha ha, oh Dani boy you rascal you” or, “Ha ha, Dani, you fucking bastard I’m going to run you over with my car and throw your body into the river” and everything will be just fine.
To drive this point home, if you don’t have a sense of humor, you should start developing one now. If you let your ego constantly get in the way and you have an over developed sense of justice, then you’re probably going to go through life very indignant, irate and frustrated. And who wants to live that way, am I right?
However, if you’re still reading along, then hear this: this book IS for you if you feel somewhat lost on this journey that we call life. If you feel like you don’t quite fit in or just want a bit more than the average life, then I am going to show you how to do that.
A Special Note to Any Fearless Ladies Who May Be Reading This Book
When I first started writing this book, I meant it to be strictly for men. However, the more women that I started telling about the concepts, the more they got annoyed that the book wasn’t for them as well. So because of that, I decided to change a bit around and make this book geared for both sexes. That said, don’t be offended if I make some remarks that could be interpreted as chauvinistic or even misogynistic. I assure you that I believe men and women are 100% equal, it’s just that I have an off the cuff sense of humor and, at the end of the day, I am still a guy who enjoys talking like a guy. (Shocking and appalling, I know.)
Ladies, you will benefit greatly from reading this book and can definitely take the lessons learned here and apply it to your own lives. I’ve actually interviewed successful businesswomen and dating coaches and women who seem to be emotionally stable and happy and have implemented what they’ve taught me inside the book.
Lastly, if you’re good looking, smart, funny and have a taste for living an amazing life, then give me your number and maybe I’ll call you 😉 Or, you know, just send me a nude picture; that works, too.
3 core concepts this book is based around:
- Everything we do is motivated by survive and thrive… Actually i take that back. It’s not everything we do, its everything that is worth doing. This will simplify you’re decision making process and improve you’re instincts when taking action on whether you should or should not be doing something. Throughout the book I’ll be proving my point on this.
- The way every single issue in life should be tackled is first we envision success and then we work backwards from there. This reverse engineering process is how the army wins wars and how companies like facebook grow to be multi-billion dollar corporations. I’m going to show you how to apply this in you’re own life with whatever you want to accomplish.
- Success always hinges on were our focus lies. Whether it be finding happiness, succeeding in business, getting the girl of you’re dreams (or of the night) it all depends on were our focus lies
Nail down these 3 concepts and I promise you the world is you’re oyster… Unless of course you keep kosher in which case the world is going to be your cow (sorry, bad Jew joke)
Setting Expectations: 10 Things You Can Expect to Gain from Reading This Book
I’m someone who sets expectations for himself. I want to know not only what I’m doing, but what I expect to get out of it. it’s kinda like driving somewhere in your car. If you don’t know were you’re going then you’ll never get there. So if you decide to apply the principles in this book, here is what’s going to happen:
- You will learn mind mastery. You will understand why your mind works in certain ways and the most effective learning and coping strategies for success.
- You will discover how to be happy. As you begin to gain skills, success, power and prowess, along the way you will discover the secret to lifelong happiness as well.
- You will learn to love yourself. Self-love is a huge part of being fearless and overall happiness, because when we love ourselves enough, we truly have the ability to make a lasting impact on others and provide value that self loathing or unhappy people simply can’t. Also, you know who you are better than anyone else. If you don’t love yourself, how can you ever expect others to love you?
- You are going to get into the best shape of your life and look fantastic. Even if you don’t think you have the time or that you’re way too fat, I explain how to overcome those obstacles in my chapter on Fearless Fitness.
- You will become professionally happy and financially independent. You will be able to create a business based around what you love and gain financial independence, perhaps for the first time in your life.
- You will have amazing sex. I will give you the tools to fuck freely, fearlessly and amazingly.
- You are even going to become multi-orgasmic (men too!). I explain exactly how to do that in my chapter on Fearless Fucking.
- You will be able to create relationships with whomever you want, whenever you want. Beyond fantastic sex, I am going to teach you the skills you need to create lasting, powerful relationships And, just as importantly, the type of people who you think you want in your life but who are, in fact, toxic.
- You will know how to develop the core confidence that you need to accomplish any goal that you have in store for the future. Nothing is impossible but, without confidence, they are often quite improbable. This book will give you the confidence you need to reach your goals, no matter how ambitious.
- You will become fearless! I know, I know, these are all bold claims but if you read and apply what I share in this book, you will realize that fear is a lie – and how to overcome it with the bold, often surprising truth about yourself.
Now, I ask you: what’s not to like? Just one of those bullet points – fearless fucking, would be my choice – would be worth the price of admission. But to learn how to fuck, make more money, success in business, be healthier, happier and be fearless, all in the same book? I’m starting to think you should be paying me!
How to Read This Book
Well, for starters, you should use your eyes to read it and go from left to right…
Seriously, though, the book is split up into different sections that most people want to become fearless and have success in, such as relationships, business, sex, health, etc. In addition, each chapter somewhat builds onto the next, so that they’re all interconnected. What I would recommend is going through the entire book cover to cover at least once and then, if you have a specific area in your life you want to gain mastery in, I would go back to that section and reread it.
The book is a general fast start type guide for becoming fearless. The real meat and potatoes are on my blog. there I delve much deeper into specific issues and I also have training videos on each section with specific exercises for you to watch.
At the end of each chapter there are action steps that you can do immediately. I would recommend doing them, or something similar, otherwise this book is only going to stay theoretical or a good read when, if done right – and made a part of your daily routine – it will change your life. Remember, knowledge is not power, it is only potential power. Action must be taken to turn that potential into pure power.
Finally, if you want to delve deeper into a specific issue and also enjoy the kind of mentorship that creates a real transformation, then I have include a recommended resources section of things I have used to help me in my path. Combined, these stories, lessons, theories, practicum, action steps and resources will improve your life in ways you can only imagine. So what are you waiting for?
Let’s get started:
Thththatttt’s all, folks! And without further ado, I give you… three midgets having sex with a ninja turtle! Ha ha, just kidding. But seriously, if you are ready to be more fearless in every single aspect of your life, if you are ready to learn things you never thought possible for, in short, if you are ready for a fearless lifestyle for once and for all, then your journey past fear begins on the very next page:
PPS: If you have any questions about anything feel free to email me here: email@example.com you may find this hard to believe but I actually enjoy reading your emails and helping you along you’re journey. Due to the large amounts of mail i get (seriously it’s not funny, my inbox is a war zone) It may take some time to respond or you might see me answer in one of my blog posts or emails that I send out. Don’t worry, if i do answer you’re question in a blog post there is complete anonymity and no way anyone will know who you are.